i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
