OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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