a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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