im having a threesome with these popsicles
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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