i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
