My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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