Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
