im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
