that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
