Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
