she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
