I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
