So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
