whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
