Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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