We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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