Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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