I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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