20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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