giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
