I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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