did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
