no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
