how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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