duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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