Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
false alarm. still invincible.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
