shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
