I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
