yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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