new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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