What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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