So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
