Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
