I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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