Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
