My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
