party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
