u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
