So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
