Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
