im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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