True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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