Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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