when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
