What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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