i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
