I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
