We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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