He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
