What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
